I can think of two types of circumstances that cause us to feel like we need to find new meaning for our life.
1. When we’ve been in so much of a routine that it’s become mundane. We’ve somehow lost touch with the reason we do the things we do in our everyday lives.
2. A big life change such as a job loss, retirement, empty nest, moving to a new area, death of a loved one, illness etc. Anything that disrupts the way we set up our life and our days can cause us to reevaluate what we’re doing with our life.
Those life changes can sometimes throw us for a loop.
Several month ago, I had the feeling that I’d already accomplished and done everything I ever would in life.
My logical mind knew that was false, after all, I’m only in my mid-fifties! But I couldn’t quite see a way of moving forward.
Finding new purpose and meaning is the way through to the next, fulfilling phase of life.
We’ve been looking at the PERMA(H) model for flourishing:
P – Positive emotions, like hope, joy, love, etc.
E – Engagement with the the world, work or hobbies
R – Relationships that are deep and meaningful
M – Meaning; finding purpose and meaning in life
A – Accomplishments; achieving goals through cultivating strengths and talents
H – Physical health
In order to flourish, we need to find meaning and purpose for our lives.
Many people find meaning in their faith, but I want to talk more about our daily lives than the BIG Meaning of Life type of discussion.
Our beliefs and faith will inform everything we do, but we still need to find outlets that meaningfully fill the hours of our days.
We are not our roles
One reason that big life changes can be hard is that we tend to identify too much with our roles. We are not only a mother, or our career role, or a caregiver etc.
But because we spend so many hours of our days performing those roles and we find our identity and purpose in them, when the role falls away we can feel a bit lost.
Realizing that there’s life on the other side of whatever role we’ve been playing can be helpful for moving forward.
Ikigai
Ikigai is a Japanese term:
Iki = Life Gai = Benefit or Worth
Ikigai is Life Worth. Finding our ikigai is finding our purpose or meaning.
Ikigai is where these four things overlap:
1. What you love to do
2. What you’re good at
3. What the world needs
4. What you can be rewarded for
Finding ikigai can be kind of overwhelming though. We tend to think about a big, all encompassing career such as Jane Goodall or Billy Graham had.
Not to equate Goodall and Graham, but those are two people who had a purpose that permeated and defined every aspect of their life.
That sounds a bit daunting though.
How about we dial it back just a bit?
We don’t have to think about one thing that will be our true passion and mission for the rest of our lives.
What if we find multiple, smaller ways of pursuing ikigai?
In writing this article, I decided to make four lists for myself, which are dialed down versions of the ikigai lists.
1. What I love to do (what I enjoy)
2. What I’m good at (or what I like learning, trying, practicing)
3. What the world needs (or a small community/group needs)
4. What I can be rewarded for (not necessarily paid, instead: personally fulfilling, rewarding etc.)
The lists showed me several themes that fit a few or even all four categories. For instance, one of the items on my “What I enjoy” list is teaching – but not in a classroom.
I can see how that activity is at play over the course of my life so far: in homeschooling, as part of Eat at Home, in this new Flourish52 project, and recently volunteering at an historic home giving tours.
Finding ikigai in many different activities is easier, just as fulfilling and a whole lot less daunting than trying to find one true passion pursuit for our lives.
It also helps us realize that our roles will change over the years, but what we can contribute and be involved with can also continue to evolve throughout our lives.
If you’re at a crossroads in your life where you need to find new outlets of purpose and meaning, try making your own ikigai lists.
Think about how your lists have played out in your life so far and then brainstorm a few ways of putting those things into practice in new ways.
I’d love to hear your story! If you’ve been through a big life change (or are in the midst of one now), how did you find meaning on the other side? What challenges and solutions did you find for yourself?
Leave a comment below.