One of my personal goals with the Flourish52 project is to learn to deal with stressful situations in a better way.

Surprise, surprise!  I’ve got just such a situation coming my way shortly.

I also just went through a situation that proved quite stressful and I didn’t feel that I handled it as well as I could have.

I hope that by sharing my story and the steps I’m taking, you will find something useful you can use for yourself.

A little backstory: I’ve shared that my oldest daughter got out of a domestic abuse situation last year.

Her divorce was final in August, however he still hasn’t held up his end of the divorce agreement, which involves getting her name off his car loan.

Instead, he’s made excuses and escalated things in concerning ways.

This resulted in my daughter needing to appear in court for the first time via zoom last week. He also should have appeared in court, although he’s missed every court date so far and also missed this one.

I was with my daughter for the court time so she wouldn’t be alone. We both felt high stress at the thought of seeing him again and wondering how the court appointment would go.

I let the stress get to me, causing a migraine and generally affecting my productivity both before and after the court session.

The outcome of that court date felt like a big nothing. Another date has been set by the court and this time, my daughter will need to appear in person. It remains to be seen if he will appear or not.

For this next court date, I’d very much like to avoid a migraine and also be able to avoid the stress taking over so much of my mental and emotional space.

Here are a few things I’m going to try to remember. Maybe some of this will also be helpful to you, if you’re facing any type of stressful situation.

Calm Center

I want to remember I do have a calm center and I will find it again, even if I’m knocked off-center for now.

Stress is part of life

Feeling stress is part of life. Acknowledge the situation is stressful. One mistake I made for the recent court date was telling myself it was no big deal. Wrong. It was a big deal and I should have acknowledged that.

Give grace

Give myself and others grace in the stress.

Let go

Try to let go of what’s not in my control.

Challenge those worries

This is something I learned from the Better Help therapist. When a worry arises, challenge it. Ask if there’s any evidence that the worry will come to pass. If no, let it go. If yes, know that I have the strength to get through any situation that might come up.

Prepare

On the days leading up to and the day of the court date, I will:

• Eat well, sleep well.
• Be kind to myself.
• If I get knocked off normal productivity, it’s okay.
• Accept that this may trigger migraines and be prepared to treat with meds
• Lean on my support network.
• Know this is temporary.
• Practice activities that help me feel centered and calm (meditation, walks, yoga etc)

I hope some of this will be helpful to you too. And if you have tactics to deal with stressful situations, I’d love to have you share in the comments below.