How often do you catch yourself saying or thinking, “I should ____”? Or, “I shouldn’t ____.”
“I should get up and get busy with something.”
“I shouldn’t watch another episode right now.”
“I should lose some weight/get in shape.”
“I should have figured this out by now.”
“I should have known better.”
These “should” statements never make us feel good about ourselves.
Lately, I’ve been challenging these thoughts.
When I think, “I should ____,” I ask myself, “Says who?”
Sometimes the answer is, “says no one.” Other times the answer is “says me”, because I want to get something done or have a deadline or want to follow through on an obligation to others.
What I’ve learned is that by challenging these “should statements”, I can then:
- Turn it into action
- Or let it go
Probing a bit into the reason for the should statement reveals whether it is something that needs to turn into action or if it’s something I can let go of, guilt free.
This is infinitely more useful than leaving the “should statement” hanging around in my mind.
I’ve had a long-standing quandary with these “should statements”. I first noticed them popping up in my journaling a few years ago.
I’ve tried eliminating them from my journaling and thoughts, but they still pop up. Challenging them has been more useful than trying to eliminating them.
For a bit of fun, here’s a poem I wrote several years ago:
The Should
You can’t live your life on the back of a should.
A should is too heavy and weighted to move.
You’ll only sit still saying, “I should get going,”
The longer you sit, the more still you’re growing
And the should underneath you roots to the spot,
Making sure what should happen will certainly not.
What do you think?
How about you? Do you find yourself making “should” statements a lot? Do you have a different way of dealing with all the shoulds?
Good strategy. And I like that clever Should poem!
I completely agree with you. Reminding ourselves that G-d gave us free will is so very important. Should comes mostly from others, our past, our family etc they rarely come from in the moment experience. I try to ask myself if I really do have to do something and what would happen if I didn’t do it.